CROW WORTHY

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Nascar Gambling Cheat Sheet 5-23

Y’all know what tomorrow is? It’s Sunday. Y’all know what Sunday means? Nascar day.

Naturally, I’ll be doing my Nascar preparation…. ritual, if you will. This consists of waking up, pissing out all the bad decisions of last night, taking a shower and using my super special body wash containing a dabble of raw gasoline, with a dash of saw dust, and don’t forget the main ingredient of Axe Spice 3 in 1 gel….not because I’m cheap, but because I like the usefulness of it. It’s practical and cuts down on shower time. Then brushing my teeth with a specific mixture of cigarette ashes, Mountain Dew, and Busch Light lightly whipped up in a small container.

Once that task is checked off the ol list I’ll be gargling some Jack Daniels (The diesel stuff, not the sissy Jack honey trash), followed up with wiping my mouth off with an old shirt laying on the ground, because come on, dirtying up a clean towel just to clean the residual mouthwash is just a waste that I can’t condone.

Now that all of the bathroom tasks are done we move to picking out our wardrobe for the day…..before we go too far, no I’m not putting on deodorant. I’ve been to a lot of races in my life and have yet to smell the fresh fragrance of deodorant in the air. If no one is wearing deodorant for races, then neither shall I. I’m a man of the people, and if body odor is part of the Nascar allure then I guess I’ll assimilate…..back to the wardrobe part.

I’ll find my favorite cut off t-shirt that has the “this guy needs a beer” saying with 2 fingers pointing back at me….because it’s funny, true, and makes my arms look jacked obviously, not to mention that some schmuck actually falls for it and gives me a beer….which is a good thing for me obviously, so no downside to it….. fashionable, and practical so I can’t go wrong. Now we must figure out the pants selection.

Do we go for the traditional jeans with Skoal rings in the back pocket? The Jean shorts also with a Skoal ring in the pocket? Let’s get wild. The Jean shorts it is. Gotta let the boys breathe amirite?? Toss on some cowboy boots and place an ice cold Busch Light in my hands now we’re cooking. Shotgun the first 2 beers to start the day off right,(the toothpaste consisting of ashes, and liquor always make the first few drinks taste bad but it’s part of the experience so just accept it), do a couple swigs out of a bottle of fireball and have flashbacks to almost dying at parties in high school because of that, which then reminds me of the Glory days of high school sports….I was such a beast….. woulda turned pro if it wasn’t for my knee.

Flash back to reality, turn the pre race coverage on while firing the ol grill up to cook some Ribeyes (yes, Ribeyes, I spent a pretty penny of these bad boys no big deal), wave at some strangers driving by, tell myself I need to mow the yard sometime soon, and then finish up just in time to sit in the recliner, eat my food, drink some refreshing alcoholic beverages, and yell at the TV about how Nascar has went to shit since all the driver’s became babies…..That’s it. The perfect start to a Nascar day. You’re welcome for this tutorial.

Now that I’ve taught you all how to properly prepare for the day, it’s time for the picks from my fire hot Nascar brain. Jokes aside I’d put my Nascar gambling track record up against anyone in the world. Aside from the dirt at Bristol race this year I’ve had a top 3 and normally a winner also listed in my top 4 sections. This shit ain’t a game to me. I make jokes all the time but even with having multiple sports I enjoy betting on more, I legitimately grew up watching Nascar every week with my dad, uncle’s, and Grandpa so I do actually have a background, knowledge level of this stuff. It’s probably my best gambling genre all things considered.

We’re racing at COTA today which stands for Circuit of the Americas. With this being a road course it drastically changed how we approach gambling. For newer people out there typically oval tracks are more top speed, or entry/exit speed control that will determine the winner (pit stops of course but that’s a given).

At a road course there are many more factors that contribute to driver success. Brake control, speed control, entry/exit key points, throttle control, setting up passes multiple turns in advance and ect. That’s why we’ve seen a couple drivers typically dominate road courses. It’s a completely different skill that some drivers have learned to excel at. We’ll get to those drivers in just a minute. I he’ll be heavily factoring in past road course success here. Non of these guys are necessarily dark horses, but they’re proven to be more than capable of pulling off this win.

Picks

*Kyle Busch +800

Coming off an Xfinity series win Saturday I’d be remiss not to include him in this pick. Timing is everything with road courses. Brake timing, acceleration timing, turn timing, ect. Having a full race of experience in which he won, along with his experience and skills gives him an advantage. With practice, and the rain that came with it, few drivers have as much knowledge of the track and it’s feel as Kyle heading into Sunday. I’ll take his experience, and skill.

*Chase Elliot +250

Listen, if you watch even a little bit of Nascar you know Chase is on the mount Rushmore of road course drivers. Even with how young he is, he has proven to be arguably the best at it since he came into the cup series. With 5 wins already in his career, and consistently being up towards the top I’d be an idiot not to pick him. Sure, the odds aren’t great, but they are low for a reason. He’s just that good. If you’re new, road courses for Chase are like 3 pointers for Steph. He might not make every 3, but everytime he shoots one you expect it to go in. Same thing with Chase, he might not win everytime, but everytime he drives at a road course you expect him to win.

*Kyle Larson +1000

If you follow my Nascar articles at all you know how much I love Kyle Larson. In my opinion he is the most talented driver on the track every time he races. Given his talent, how fast his car has been at every track, his experience driving at various different track, in different cars, and in different scenarios I think he always has a shot to win. I promise you every time Kyle is +1000 or better I’ll bet on him. He is simply too talented and fast not to

*Martin Truex Jr +550

Aside from Chase Elliot Truex is the most dominant road course guy around. Along with consistently being a competitive driver on road courses (his win amounts speaks for itself at 4). He is fast everywhere, but you don’t get put into the “road course ringer” club unless you in fact, are amazing at road courses. He has been having a great year, his confidence should be sky high, his car is capable of winning, and he is definitely capable of winning so give me some of him. Like Chase, the odds are not my favorite, but they are there for a reason.

Dark Horse Pick

*Chase Briscoe +6600

These odds jumped off the page at me. I’m not saying he should be a favorite, or even in the top 10 odds wise, but +6600 is absurd. Chase has had moments this year where he has really looked good. Although he is looking to find more consistent finishes, I like what I’ve seen this year from him. Even with him not really having the greatest start to his Cup series career we can’t forget how good he is. Just last year he won 9 Xfinity series races and was in a class of his own. In the Xfinity series he had 7 top 10s in 9 road course starts including 2 wins. Historically speaking Cup series rookies don’t normally win, the last being in 2013. Do I love him? No. But for the odds do I think it warrants a small bet? Yes.

There it is folks. This week’s Nascar picks. I’ll be absolutely shocked if I don’t get a win and/or multiple top 5 finishes from this list. If you don’t like the danger if just betting on wins, feel free to bet top 5. Just to recap, Elliot and Truex are the top of this class. They are both monsters on road courses. That being said tho, I really like my odds with all these guys. Good luck!